Father's Day Reflections (A McRoll in the REAL World Story)
by ilna
Summary: Steve visits his father's grave on Father's Day.


**Notes: **Thanks to Mari and Sammy for their incredible feedback as always.

Readers and REAL McRollers - Thank you for your amazing support. It is always appreciated.

Happy belated Father's Day to the fathers and grandfathers and special men out there - those still with us and those who will always live in our memories.

**Hope you enjoy!**

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_Father's Day Reflections (A McRoll in the REAL World Story)_

A soft breeze blew leaves and flower petals and grass clippings across the stone marker and Steve knelt down to brush them away.

"Hey, Dad," he said quietly, looking at the grave etched with his father's name. His fingers lingered on the letters. "Happy Father's Day."

He shifted to sit on the grass beside the stone.

"Catherine and Angie'll be along in a few minutes," he said, glancing a few hundred feet down the path to where his wife stood with their daughter on her hip, giving him some time alone before joining him. He smiled as Catherine pointed up into the sky at a plane flying above them. He could almost hear Angie's excited reply as she reached up as if to touch it. "She seems to have transferred her love of trains to planes lately. Ever since she watched me and Catherine take Grace skydiving for her birthday." He grinned to himself. "Danny's not wrong, she's going to be begging to do it herself before too long. Hell, she basically already did." He shook his head, amazed. "I wish you could see her, Dad. She's incredible. She's so smart … adventurous … and she has this generous heart, just like Catherine. Already I can see it and she's not even quite two yet. She shares her food and her toys with Cammie. She connects with others, at gymnastics or the library or even just walking down the street. She picks up on people's emotions and seems to know whether they need a hug or if they need to laugh … it's amazing."

His gaze drifted back to the gravestone.

"I heard you once, talking to Joe about being a father. How it was the toughest job you never knew you wanted. How as a sailor, then as a cop, you couldn't second guess your decisions or your choices, but that as a father, that's all you seemed to do. But you could never show it." He shook his head. "I definitely never saw it before then. You always seemed so sure of everything."

He paused, his eyes growing distant for a moment.

"And you said it changes you, being a father," he continued. "It changes the way you think about the world and how you think about yourself." He smiled softly. "Then you said there was nothing like hearing your child call you 'Daddy' for the first time. That somehow it was different from hearing 'Dada,' because it was more of a choice."

Pausing again, he nodded slowly.

"I've thought a lot about that conversation the last two years. I've had tough jobs. Still do." He shook his head. "I don't think that's what being a father is. It's so much more than a job. It just … becomes who you are."

He paused again, looking once more to where Catherine and Angie stood.

"But it does change you. You were right about that. It changes you for the better. Makes you stop and think about things you don't usually think about, see things in a different way just because she does." He glanced up. "Planes and clouds and …" He chuckled. "Cookies." He looked back at the stone. "I wanted to thank you. I'm going to be a better father because of you. Because of what you did right … and what you didn't." He sighed. "I know if you were here we would disagree about that last part but even if I understand your reasons, I can't say it was right. I don't think I'll ever be able to say that. Especially now," he added, glancing over to see Catherine and Angie slowly walking toward him. Even at this distance he could see his daughter's bright smile.

"I'm never going to let Angie feel the way Mary and I felt … after you sent us away. She will always know how much she's loved, and so will any other kids we have." He smiled slowly. "That's the big news, Dad. Catherine and I have decided we're going to adopt a child. We're ready. And we think Angie is, too." He looked back at the gravestone. "I made a promise before Angie was born, about all the things I'd tell her. About you. I promised that I'd tell her about you. I have, and I'll continue to for the rest of my life. I'll tell her and any other kids we have about their grandfather, John McGarrett. My dad." The corner of his lip quirked in a half smile. "I'll tell them how you couldn't flip a pancake to save your life. How you'd sing offkey to Springsteen and the Stones while you worked in the garage. How you read the newspaper every night but you'd never hesitate to put it down if Mary or I wanted to play." He paused, blinking at the sudden wetness in his eyes. "I'll tell them how you were the strongest man I ever knew. You had to be, to make the decision you made and stick to it, even if I don't think it was the right decision. I'll tell them that, too, because it's the truth, and I want them to know it all," he finished with a firm nod.

"Ready for some company?" Catherine asked as she and Angie hung back to let him finish.

He smiled at them, holding out a hand. "Absolutely."

Catherine set Angie down and she ran toward him at the speed toddlers seemed to prefer, launching herself into his arms as soon as she was close enough. He was amazed once again at how she didn't squeal and shout as she normally would, instead sensing the need for quiet in the cemetery.

Catherine reached them and knelt next to the gravestone, touching it briefly. "Happy Father's Day, John."

Watching her, Angie reached over to do the same.

"This is your grandfather, Angie, remember?" Catherine said. "Grandpa John."

"Apa Jah," she repeated quietly.

"He's Daddy's father, so we came to say hello for Father's Day."

Angie looked up at Steve, taking in his expression that still held a tinge of sadness. She reached up to lace her arms around his neck. "Daddy hug," she said, laying her head against his shoulder to comfort him.

Steve's eyes snapped to Catherine's, her surprise mirroring his before she smiled, reaching over to squeeze his arm. "Daddy," she mouthed silently, tears springing to her eyes.

He let out a breath, closing his eyes as he wrapped his arms around Angie gently and leaning his head against hers.

"Thank you, baby girl," he said quietly. "I needed that." He glanced over at the gravestone. "See what I mean, Dad? She knows." He took a deep breath and smiled softly. "And you were right. Nothing like hearing that for the first time." His smile widened and he held Angie closer. "And now that I have, I can't wait to hear it again."

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